Behold

Imprisoned in walls that only I know
Placid and lonely with high highs and low lows
Crystal clear skies and immaculate rain
Watercolor masks to cover the pain

Novacane

And here we are
On the day we knew would come
Though it seemed so far
There’s never been a better time to be a bum
I suppose it is life, though
Just another season to live
Through the pain and the strife
Love is the only thing to give
I’ll play these strings with hope
And sing these words with joy
And I have new ways to cope
Not with alcohol, not with a boy
It is with a new freedom, yes
A new mindset I’ve acquired
Not one that gets me into a mess
Not even one that leaves me wired
But today has arrived, my dear
It is the beginning to something new
Not that the past is completely clear
Just know that it is through
Oh, lord, is it through

The Girl Who Stares

A pocket, I left her in a pocket
In a hole drowned in thread
An outlet with no socket

Her idiosyncrasies were dead
Stolen from her precious locket
She wasn’t easily read
But no one could ever drop it
It never mattered what she said
If she was loud or if she was quiet
If she was kind or in a riot
If she was honest or lying
If she was alive or dying
They would still call her names
And for everything, still blamed
And for herself, ashamed
 
So I left her in a pocket
Never to be found
Hidden away in the depths
From the light and the sound
Far away is where I left
The beauty I once knew
A hole held by some thread
Another gem lost in the ocean blue

Temp(t)

And there it went
The loneliness I had felt
Time well spent
And shit, dealt
Funny how that happens
Closeness with another
It makes you tap in
To your mind and all its colors
To your heart and all its frequencies
To your thoughts and all its tendencies
To your body and all its indecencies
See what I did there?

you’re serious?

I’m just saying maybe I found you
But I’m not sure if I’m ready for round 2
Cos my mind is far from sound proof
And my heart’s just an open sound booth
I’m too uncouth and too unreal
And my zest’s zestier than a lemon peel
And the more you fucking know
The less things feel real
It’s like being drunk behind a damn steering wheel
I used to make wishes on a lost tooth
But wishes only temporarily soothe
And I’m wondering if you’ll still be here
Cos things still feel bad when they real good
And if they real good, I should believe, right?
But I stare closer and still lose sight
And walk towards the darkness expecting light
It’s a battle I’ve already lost, but I still fight
It’s a little messed up, ain’t it?
But I can’t listen if you ain’t even sayin’ shit
And some reason I still think you’re the perfect fit
Maybe that’s why they call it dedication
It’s just mental preparation
And you can be my medication
And my plus one to finish the equation.

Shit, I think I just had a revelation.

Otherside

A lonely shot glass on the window sill
Why is it empty?
It was full last night, 12 times over
4 counts, one
40, 10
The stains are left, lipstick - red
Pieces of pizza, dropped
Crumbs scattered beneath
And a Root Beer puddle above
Woke up to bloody teeth
Two couches, separate
A friendship ceased
Sink into the mahogany cushions
Passed out, dreams released
Her Cheetah scarf frames her beauty
Her gold earrings ecstatic
What are you thinking about, I ask
I wondrr if Nas is still matic.

Still Wakin’ Up Like the Rent’s Due

My mental is my mind
My heart is just a rental
So please be kind and
Pardon my lack of being sentimental
Photographs and looks
Not really my thing
But laughs and good hooks
Those make me sing
Bugatti, Lamborghini
Those are cool, but I don’t really care
Still I go M.I.A, Houdini
Most times you’ll never know where
Go find her, they say don’t you dare
My mind switched, I’m sorry
I know it ain’t fair
But when my mind switches
There ain’t really anyone or anything
I can really vibe with
Sorry, I borrowed that from Miss Haze
I won’t do it again, I promise
But sometimes you can’t help it when other artists set your creative tongue ablaze
Making you shoot out colors, planets, and comets
Anyways, I’m done, I have to stop writing
But the tune in my head is so fcking inviting
But I really must get out of hiding
Les my mind and heart continue fighting.

Life Round Here, pt. II

We’re never done, no
Oh, but it never lasts
Forward is never where we’ll go
If you keep looking at my past
See the problem with love is
Everyone’s always in your business
And everyone thinks your shit is their shit
But don’t they fucking get it?
A relationship requires only two
Not two plus one or two plus two
Love is between two people
Sorry, I just have an obsession with 2
And when you add any extras into the mix
That’s when the crack gets whipped
Wait that was backwards
Whatever, cos so are everyone’s standards
Then your love gets jipped
By some other 2 timer who’ll eventually call it quits
And all it takes is one sip
From a poisonous unforbidden fruit
And after years of thinking love was your foundation
You discover the hidden lies at its actual root
And I believe there is someone different
Waiting to find me or vise versa
But for some reason they haven’t been sent yet
Maybe I’m just under some curse, or, uh
Whatever, part time love is a damn thing
Nothing but a fried and dipped chicken wing
And this is the only love song I’ve been able to sing
And I don’t really believe that my left hand will every really carry a ring
Cos we’re never done but we never last
We never work cos we always break
And instead of trying to fix it
We cover it with a dumbass cast
So tell me about your little love stories
Your fairytales that suddenly came true
And I’ll tell you about my Nemos and Dorys
And how my so called love got lost in the ocean blue.

One Step Closer

I thought the biggest move I made was dropping out of school
And then when I stopped drinking
And then I made this move
And THIS is the biggest is what I am thinking
What am I doing?
Moving across the world
What could possibly be brewing?
Just the thought makes me wanna hurl
But I’m excited, too, for a new adventure
I didn’t think it would come so soon
A year in a whole ‘nother culture
Can it be true?
That God works in mysterious ways
That the rainbows in the sky are what His own fingers drew
Across crystal blue bays?
Could it be real that the moon is His fingertip?
And that when it rains, those are His tears?
Or that He always has a firm grip
On my life, threw the dreams and the fears?
I’m scared and terrified
But I know I will be carried
And some how things are continuously clarified
Though the understanding sometimes varies.
But I will move in faith and trust
Believing every step and every day
That this move is a must
And that God always makes a way.

sushi roll

I waited and waited
For a call that would never come through
So I started another pot
And waited for the coffee to brew
And I poured more and more
Making sure it was dark as night
Occasionally glancing at the door
Hoping you’d walk in when the time was right
But I guess you had forgotten
Maybe your memory had made me a ghost
This hookah turned my mouth into cotton
But I’ll continue writing this post
I get distracted from time to time
It somehow keeps me sane
And I only really feel lead to rhyme
When my days only see rain
By now, the coffee pot is empty
And I am still here all-alone
Maybe you were just busy
I guess I shouldn’t rush to get grown
But when the minutes turn into forever
And the sleep never comes
My heart screams, whatever
And my mind just goes numb
So I’ll get up and be on my way
To a mattress straight on the floor
And tell the ceiling the things I need to say
Still hoping that you’ll walk through that door
Cos when I’m left alone with my thoughts
I have no choice but to banter
And I already poured into three coffee pots
But does any of it ever really matter?

semi-blind

My momma told me that was bullshit
When my daddy left us for the fourth time
I said momma should’ve called it quits
After daddy committed his third crime
But I guess some feel love when we get hit
Cos love is apparently semi-blind
But I’m about to throw another fit
If I ever get caught up in that slime
Cos I’m tired of the fcking confusion
The silence among the many questions
I guess that’s when it turns into delusion
And when your priorities turn into mentions
A night of fun, a night of bliss
For a year of regret, a year of hoping you’re missed
Seconds of pure joy, millis of happiness
Then quickly on to another boy, another girl
For another 3 months of summertime sadness
Skeptical, they said, just like your mother
You’d be too, surely, if yours supplied the bread
And still cried and hurt like no other
Oh, you want me to believe?
Sure thing, just give me a minute
Let me make sure my heart is all over my sleeve
So you can get your filthy hands all up in it.
I don’t even know where this is going anymore
I sort of forgot the point of this writing
Just know that before you called her a little whore
Her heart was purely and innocently inviting.

balls

My mango juice was too far
When I was stuck on the couch
My phone’s battery had no bars
And my charger was in my pouch
I don’t really care, though
I tried hard enough
How much farther can I go
Before it gets too rough?
I won’t even reach for a drink
Nor step any further for a charge
I’m dying to know what you think
But I’m not trying to intrude or barge
It’s just that, man, I don’t know
Why people gotta be so crazy?
You’ve either gone mad or fallen in love
These days the difference between the two
Gets a little hazey.
And I’m not one to believe in magical shit
I’ve said that far too many times
But when you meet someone who feels like
The perfect fit
It’s like lemon and limes
Not relevant at all
But oh so intriguing
And after a 10-hour phone call
How could you not continue believing?
I’d like to believe differently
Like to think it is probable
Falling in love in one night
Man, that would be phenomenal.
But, whatever, my phone died
Can’t worry about no missed calls
You sort of left my brain fried, now
And to that I say…balls.

Infatuation or Love?

It must be infatuation if you’re blind
Cos love is certainly patient
And love is beyond kind
It does not boast, it does not envy
And it isn’t something you should fall in
Just because it is trendy.
We stay with each other cos we’re scared
But we’d leave if we actually cared
About ourselves and about each other
But I have a hard time believing that’s possible when the needed divorce never happened between my father and mother.
Stay with me, we plead on our knees
Still we know better the same way Eve did when she picked the apple off of the tree.
So we continue and we slowly drown
In an infatuationship that constantly turns our smiles into frowns.
Doing it wrong
It’s what we hear in every song but
No one writes about how to correct it
So we just go about expecting it.
Well if full time love is possible
I’d like to know just how
Because whenever we’re ”blind,” we’re malleable
And I’m tired of crying to songs like Stay With Me and Take a Bow.
And maybe I’m a little cliché for always writing about such a topic
But someone has to if any of us are ever going to give a shit.

theory of luv

You started molding yourself to him
And let all your original particles creep away.
Chances of regaining that girl back seem slim
But not if you work at it every single day.
Remember that first dream you wanted?
The one you dreamed of when you were 12?
His footsteps left that and all other dreams haunted
So drenched in him, you even lost yourself.
Do you remember when she called you pretty?
Sleep deprived, no make-up, and hung over?
You finally believed it, though you felt shitty
And still, your heart grew colder.
Which night was it that you went wandering?
When the beating in your heart began to deplete? 
The night when evil voices in your mind began whispering
“You will never, ever overcome this defeat.”
Do you know why you became so easily attached?
Why his hold was stronger than your own?
At the time, he probably seemed like a great catch
Because his so-called “love” was all you had ever known.
What is the definition of being treated right?
Of being luved unconditionally and purely?
Some people say it’s persevering and putting up a fight
I say it really just depends on your own theory.




best lover

I forgot what it was like to smile until tonight
Been looking left for a while but you made me look right
I don’t know why things happen the way they do
Or if the dreams I dream will ever come true
But I know for a fact that God put me on this earth
To learn how to love and to learn my own worth
And right now I can sort of see
Who I was really meant to be
I know life isn’t as easy as 1, 2, 3
And it doesn’t just take a wish to be free
But my ambition is growing, I can tell
and the stars in the sky sort of rang a bell
If I never knew my purpose before
The coming days will show me what’s in store
And I’ll keep going, let that sink down to my core
Because from now on, being the best lover I can be is what I’m living for.