drive slow

I’m on that unemployment budget
But I don’t care cos I love kisses and sunsets
And sunday brunches with teas and crumpets
Don’t need vegas functions or petty poker bets
I’m on that unemployment budget
Ain’t got room for debts!

0 to 100

Dropped the bottle a couple months ago
I can say I never felt better
They say I changed, I know
But since then I’ve been a little go getter
Do this, do that
Most things I never done
And I found what I’m good at
And I never would’ve been here had I never taken step 1
And maybe 22 is a little young
But I’m singing songs I’ve never sung
And I’m going places I’ve never been
And I shot from 0 to 10 times 10
And my mind’s been clearer since
And I wouldn’t trade this growth for anything
And at first I thought I was losing, but I know now I’m winning
90 days is around the corner
And the days between me and 23 are even shorter
Mama, I’m living like I never lived
With more energy than I had as a kid
And it all started when I released
A strong addiction, I just hope you’re pleased
Cos I’m clean and I’m sober
Everyday I feel younger, but I’m still growing older
And I’m learning, more and more
Grew some wings, I’m finally starting to soar

23.

Turned a page, yet again
Jumped to another book
Turning a new age, lost a friend
Guess it’s time to get me a new look
Seasons come and seasons pass
The sun always fades away
But after the snow is a greener grass
The skies eventually turn blue from gray
Keep your head up, I’m told
Put a smile on that pretty face
Be active, be hopeful, be bold
The changes are all a part of the chase
Growing up isn’t easy to do
No one said it would be
But if it were, if it were true
I don’t think I would be the me I was meant to be.

A-Team

I sort of forgot you existed
Thought I had blanked you out of my mind
Memories of you had drifted
Your images far off in sight
But the overhead speakers did the trick
The tune carried you right back into my life
Like a fist to the face and a pistol kick
More like a clean slice by a dull kitchen knife
And I was right back where I had started
In a state of regret and shame
And I knew from the moment we parted
I’d always be playing the blame game
It was neither you nor I, I’d say
In that short little game we played
Who ruined or destroyed what we had
Because the chemistry was always breaking bad
But I see it now, so very clearly
It all kind of makes sense
Though I hold you in my heart, dearly
We never would have made it over that fence.

Sitting here, I think of the trees
Of the warm sand and island breeze
I miss you, my love
My home, forever
Today, you are all I can think of
Especially in this perfect summer weather
My heart yearns for your presence
It is what keeps it beating
I have not held you since
My brave soul went on fleeting
Today, I miss you Maui
My heart will always be yours
I will always think of you
Whether it is sunny or it pours
In this rainbow iced snow
My tears fall and I grieve
But I know, Lord do I know
There is a time to leave
I will return to you soon
I promise, I do
When? I don’t know
But know I will always love you

Sitting here, I think of the trees
Of the warm sand and island breeze
I miss you, my love
My home, forever
Today, you are all I can think of
Especially in this perfect summer weather
My heart yearns for your presence
It is what keeps it beating
I have not held you since
My brave soul went on fleeting
Today, I miss you Maui
My heart will always be yours
I will always think of you
Whether it is sunny or it pours
In this rainbow iced snow
My tears fall and I grieve
But I know, Lord do I know
There is a time to leave
I will return to you soon
I promise, I do
When? I don’t know
But know I will always love you

Wild Winters

I wish you could see me now
The way I’m living
I don’t really know how
But life, it keeps on giving
I laugh and I cry
But it’s different these days
And it all started when I tried
To simply change my ways
So when you see me
Don’t be surprised, madam
Cos I’m livin’ quite free
No longer am I numb

Forever 2

Tell me you’ve seen her
Her dreams and her flaws
Tell me you picked up
Every one of her midnight calls
Tell me you told her
Just exactly what she needed to hear
Tell me you cleared those blurs
And put a little courage in her fears
Tell me you saw past it all
Past the one before you
Tell me you didn’t care to fall
Because you knew your love was true
Tell me you grew up
Because she deserves a good man
Tell me she overflows your cup
And is in every one of your future plans
Tell her you love her
Because we both know you do
Tell her so she will no longer wonder
If your one will make her one a forever 2.

Dat Shit Don’t Phase Me

When asked why we don’t date
He said he only dates skinny girls
And I laughed as I hid my face
Behind my burgundy gelled curls
It never occurred to me that some people
They can be just purely outrageous
And when they are around other jerks
The need to be an asshole is contagious
Tell me again how I’m not skinny
How my looks just don’t meet your standards
How all you want is a billboard barbie
Please, just keep coming at me with your kind words
Cos it only builds my strength
I cannot be broken down any more
Cos I have gone extreme lengths
To be okay with who I am down to my core
And as long as I live
I swear I will not be moved
Cos there are no more fucks to give
News flash: I have nothing left to prove.

I’m always more willing, more open I’ve been told/I like to think that my life is just more thrilling when I’m willing to be bold

slumdog millionaire

And here we are
On the day we knew would come
Though it seemed so far
There’s never been a better time to be a bum
I suppose it is life, though
Just another season to live
Through the pain and the strife
Love is the only thing to give
I’ll play these strings with hope
And sing these words with joy
And I have new ways to cope
Not with alcohol, not with a boy
It is with a new freedom, yes
A new mindset I’ve acquired
Not one that gets me into a mess
Not even one that leaves me wired
But today has arrived, my dear
It is the beginning to something new
Not that the past is completely clear
Just know that it is through
Oh, lord, is it through

undo

You never knew me
Because really
I never knew myself
And now that I do
It is so very clear
That you and I
Are incredibly through

Life Round Here

I remember the night we sat in my car for 6 hours, and listened to Kanye West and James Blake
And we talked about how people who aren’t themselves are cowards
And we both loved how from the moment our friendship started, we were never fake.
But you changed so quickly, it was like that moment had never existed
Our relationship had changed quicker than the seasons do, and you had no hesitation in dissing it.
But I’ll accept that people move on, and we sometimes are forced to do the same
Sadly, when people try to prove they are different, their diluted words and selfish actions were all a part of the game.
And we can let our past define us, or we can move forward and learn
All we can really do is choose to grow, because if we don’t, we’re really just taking ourselves to our own ash-filled urn.
And I still see you from time to time, it’s funny how you still smile and say hello
And I finally realized I guess I should do the same - recall our time together, smile - but always, always let it go.

letter for today

dear, you -
Woke up this morning in a state of extreme gratitude, a new state of mind, and a brand new attitude.
Days turn into months and months into years
It’s gonna take a whole lot of optimism and persistence for this addiction to clear.
But you can only live day by day and try your best to not let your anxiety get carried away.
Cos worrying means you’re trying to control and there is nothing more unhealthier for your soul.
So today is brighter and it can only get better
Don’t stop being a fighter, and when you forget, just read this letter.
- love, me

Impress Mode

Dress code, Impress mode
Got me feeling like I got a stress load
Told you I don’t want your baby deals
Don’t want none of your cheap wheels
I got what I need in my hands
I know who I want in my plans
And if I let up, I might fall
I can’t risk it cos without you I’m too tall
And this shit ain’t magic
It’s called common sense
It’s called kicking those habits
And hopping over that fence
I got slapped in the face last night
Told me to toughen up
Told me to get my life right
And chase my dreams like it’s the world cup
I got my own cons and my own pros
My style’s according to my own character
And I don’t care who knows
I’m not bending back for no one, I ain’t a chiropractor
I walk to the beat of my own drum
And speak with the tone of my own hum
Selling dope it ain’t for me
And smoking it don’t make me free
Getting faded is no longer a pleasure
I follow the forecast of a different weather
My shoes are ripped chucks and Nikes
I’m attracted to a soulful heart and intelligent psyche
But I don’t need to be told my potential
I see it for myself, and I strive
And even tho I get anxious and emotional
I let the Lord be my strength and love, my drive
I don’t need to write about clubbing and bills
I wish Wale and J Cole wouldn’t
That’s why I listen to Lupe and Miss Hill
They taught me never let those things rule me, and I shouldn’t
And the only thing I pay this earth is temporary rent
And to love and respect you is all I ever meant
And if there’s one thing I hope you take away
It’s honestly and simply this
I live my life for the Lord and no one else
Cos I don’t have anyone else to impress.

50 shades ‘o gray

Drop a beat in the background
My words will start to flow
My thoughts make a louder sound
Than some of you will ever know
They reach frequencies so high
Sometimes they’re so unbareable
They drive me crazy, I can’t lie
Keeping me from being guarded and careful
And I can’t get you out of my mind
Your face is implanted in my memories
I hear your voice from time to time
You made me believe in magical shit like santa claus and the tooth fairy
But I seem to be doing fine
Never been better, actually
Hope you’re not offended by these next few lines
Just try not to let it bother you mentally
Did you get what you came for?
Cos you still look a little lost
Must’ve slipped on the mat when you walked out the door
But I guess every jerk has to pay a cost
He thinks he’s such a tough guy
Oh “I’m in some dope hip hop video”
It’s okay it looks like you really did try
But that video sucks, I’d rather watch some boring discontinued tv show
Cos my words they got better flow
And my pretty face got a better glow
Your ass just needs a pick up and a tow
Still think I miss you? Hell NO